Oh my goodness, the news these days. I don’t understand how humans get in such messes. Today, I’d like to chatter about 2 controversies of late.

The first is the Adrian Peterson domestic abuse allegations, and why it took the NFL so long to act. Everybody’s talking about domestic violence and treating women right, which I agree with. However, I think we’re narrowing it down too much. Professional athletes get paid obscene amounts of money, and I don’t care how many hits to the head and concussions you’ve had – you know what’s right and what’s wrong. If you’re in a position to be a role model, you shouldn’t act like a jerk in any sense. I agree with mommy – if you’re paid enough money to have two commas or more in your salary, then you should have a code of ethics. Any violation, and it’s bye bye bye. Talent does not preclude common sense. It’s not just domestic violence, either. If you rob the 7-11, you’re out. If you cook crystal meth, you’re out. If you shoot up the mall, you’re out. And if you hurt animals, you’re definitely out. I think the bigger problem is that they get googly eyes over money, big egos over talent, and think the rules don’t apply to them. They won’t learn any better until there are significant and substantial consequences to their actions. I’m not saying no second chances, but I am saying that there needs to be consequences that speak past the rock that they call a brain.

And by the way: fiancé at the time, now wife? What are you thinking, woman? That money and glamorous lifestyle won’t buy your way out of dead! These ladies really need to learn some self respect. I mean, I’m a sweetheart, but Zack stepped on my tail two times, and I had him pinned and understanding what’s what before mommy knew what happened. No more problems. And I sure as heck didn’t say “aw, let’s get married now!” either. He’s my brother anyway, so eww. We each have our own cages and as long as personal space is respected, it's all good.

Next up is the lengthy Facebook post from our former Governor Mark Sanford about his personal struggles with his ex-wife, and how the ol’ meany caused him pain, suffering, hardship, and to call off his wedding with his “Applichian Trail” buddy aka, the Argentinian mistress, who now claims that she didn’t know the wedding was off. All I have to say is that dirty laundry has a place and it’s the Laundromat, not social media. You aren’t embarrassing us as our Governor anymore, and we don’t care. Hell hath no fury like a hen scorned, so you should have seen this train wreck coming when you left the station, sir. Please, I have enough to deal with having a mommy writing a sci-fi trilogy and a daddy doing website design! I don’t post pictures of my down feathers or the bottom of my cage before mommy cleans it, so there. Get the power of PineSol, baby, and let’s keep living the happy life!

Goodness, humans get in messes, and the higher on the social chain they are, the bigger the messes. I think I’ll stick with simple and silly with our parronts. They keep their noses clean (unless it’s allergy season). And, of course, our online pals, which are the best. Did you know you’re the  best? Well, now you do!

That’s it for this edition of Chatter With Chloe. Stay tuned for future episodes whenever the whim strikes!

Take care and have a great week.

Luv,

Chloe

Zack, Killer, and Jinx were marching the prisoners into the castle when they were stopped by Frankie, Seamus, and Goofus. “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” Goofus said.

“Why not?” Killer asked. They paused when they heard glass break inside the social room. “Aren’t the girls in there? What’s happening?”

“A squadron of Queen of Bavaria’s broke through the ranks and got in the castle.”

“What happened?” Jinx asked.

“We don’t know,” Seamus said. “We think they snuck in through some pipe or something. We heard a rucus in there and, well, here you have it.”

“It’s actually for your own protection that I suggest you let them, um,” Goofus said.

“Work it out,” Frankie finished.

“Work what out?” Zack asked, opening the door. He ducked as a Queen of Bavaria flipped over his head.

“Whoops!” Sweet Pea said. “Sorry, Zack. I didn’t expect the door to open,” she turned to grab another Queen of Bavaria and flipped it expertly through the air.

“What is this?” Killer asked, watching as Chloe, Sweet Pea, Lola, Sassy, Morty, and all the hens grabbed Queen of Bavaria’s splattered in muck, flipping them over and throwing them against walls. One Queen of Bavaria whined from where they hung in the chandelier, stuck in the fancy crystal beads. Killer’s feathers drooped. “And what’s that foul smell?”

“Everybody is Kung-Fu fighting!” Jinx said.

“Wait,” the Queen of Bavaria chained to Zack said, pointing to Chloe. “Is that who I think it is?”

Zack bobbed his head. “It is.”

“Oh no,” the Queen of Bavaria hung her head. “If I knew she was here, we would have never attacked. No wonder we were defeated so quickly!”

“What do you mean?” Goofus asked.

“Certainly, you can see. Chloe Conure is legendary in the conure community. She holds multiple black belts and was the most deadly bird in the aviary. Nobody wanted to be in a cage match with her!”

“I can see why nobody would want to be in a cage with her,” Killer said, watching wide eyed as Chloe grabbed a Queen of Bavaria by the tail and put her in a whirling spin before releasing her into the chandelier with her friend. Stinky muck dripped off both birds stuck in the chandelier, leaving splotches on the floor.

Zack cackled. “Chloe wanted to keep it a secret. She’s a mixed martial arts master and world champion.  She trained all of the girls here. She believes it’s good for self discipline and building confidence. She says beauty starts from within and a confident bird is a beautiful bird.”

“Is that what they really do in her beauty parlor all morning?” Jinx ducking as Sassy and Morty flung a Queen of Bavaria over his head .

“Sorry, Jinx!” Sassy said, blushing.

Jinx fluffed. “It’s alright. Carry on, ladies!”

“No, don’t!” the Queen of Bavaria chained to Zack shouted. “Stop! We surrendered! No more fighting.” She hung her head. “Goodness knows, we can’t afford to get beat up anymore.”

Chloe pecking the Queen of Bavaria she had pinned under her foot, looking up at the voice. “Queen Beak, is that you?”

“It’s me, Chloe. We surrender. We ask for your mercy.”

The girls cheered as the boys released a sigh of relief. 

As you saw on Twitter, Chloe and I have different philosophies on toys. She believes toys should be cherished and made to last. She thinks true appreciation comes from treating the toy with respect and courtesy, and making it last as long as possible. 

I, on the other foot, believe it should be destroyed immediately. How else are your parronts going to know you loved it? Nothing says love like a kabob destroyed in 20 hours. Plus, the faster the toys are destroyed, the faster you get new ones to enjoy! 

I tried to explain this to her, but she goes on about self control and discipline. Good grief we're conures, not ninjas. What did they teach her in the aviary? I don't know. She's come a long way, but it seems my baby sister still has a few things to learn about domestication. 

She'll learn. She's playing more vigorously than she did before, so I believe she's getting the hang of the playing thing. 

That's all today. Take care, enjoy your treats and toys, and have a great weekend!

Luv,

Zack

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Chloe!
Happy birthday to you!

We love you, Chloe! Have a great day!

Love, 

Daddy, Mommy, and Zack

Don’t let anybody tell you that animals don’t have a personality. We certainly do, and Chloe and I are a perfect example of that! It’s often said that when there are 2 siblings, they tend to be opposites, and that’s certainly true with me and Chloe. We are the yin and yang of birdisms, at least in our home. For example, we learned this week that Chloe likes classical music. Daddy put some on, and she was so happy. Then when it was my turn to listen to my rock music, she had a fit. Hey, fair is fair. I let your music put me in snooze mode, so you can boogie to my tunes every now and then. 

That’s not the only way we’re opposites. I can’t stand still, at least not unless I’m asleep. There’s too much going on and too many interesting things happening! There’s food to eat, toys to destroy, humans to climb and ride around the house, TV, movies, music to boogie to, birds outside to watch (and occasionally talk to) – how can Chloe sit so still and act like nothing’s happening? She can do that, too. She’s pretty mellow and can sit so still that you’d think she was a stuffed animal. She does perk up sometimes and play with her toys, or eat, but most of the time, she’s content with quietly riding on mommy’s shoulder or watching us from her favorite pink perch, and chattering to us.

Chatter – boy can she! She and mommy are yak yak yak! Both of them can go on and on. They talk to each other. They really do. Chloe will sit on mommy’s shoulder and chatter and chatter and chatter, and mommy loves it. She’ll chatter back, too, in English. Can you believe that? They chatter and aren’t even speaking the same language. Girls! Who can figure them?

Well, really it does work out to be a nice balance. And what’s more interesting is that we bonded to the parront that’s our own opposite. With the humans in the home, it’s mommy that’s high energy and always on the go, and daddy is the more mellow one, yet I bonded to daddy and Chloe bonded to mommy. I guess that yin and yang works out well, after all. It’s interesting; that’s for sure.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a fantastic Friday and a wonderful weekend.

Luv,

Zack

Hi everybody! Sorry we didn’t do a weekend blog entry. The tendinitis in mommy’s wrist flared up late last week, so she was off the computer over the weekend. She’s better now, thankfully, because she’s the only typist Chloe and I have!

Actually, I did get a little mad at her recently. I found out that she kept some of Ollie’s toys and gave them to Chloe! She said I have plenty of toys and Chloe really needed more. She also pointed out that I got all of the chew kabobs and frankly, my destruction of those items made her fear that I would destroy the other toys too fast as well. Chloe is more modest with her toys and doesn’t go through them as quickly as I do. At first I cried foul, but really it does make sense. I can turn a toy to toothpicks, sometimes in a matter of hours. And I do have more than she does. So it’s ok. I can be generous. My sister needs them. And I got a pretty sweet deal with those kabobs.

Of course, I think it freaked Chloe out a little. Mommy had to reassure her that Ollie would be ok with her playing with his toys a lot before Chloe would go near them. I think she feared a budgie ghost would come after her! Oh, please. Mommy wears her grandmommy’s jewelry a lot, and we also have furniture from her grandparents and daddy’s grandparents. They doesn’t seem possessed or haunted or anything. Ok, Mommy has her weird moments, but I’m pretty sure that’s a combination of being a writer and too many sci-fi and fantasy books and movies. Maybe they’ll find a name for that problem some day. Or not.

Really, they’re toys that the parronts got Ollie for Christmas, or while he was sick and didn’t play with them. All of the toys Chloe got from Ollie’s stash have been in mint condition – right from the store or Santa’s workshop new! Chloe got a good deal, if you ask me. The only raw part of it is that it’s taken nearly 6 weeks for the parronts to put them up. Good grief, humans and their complex emotions. We miss Ollie too, but toys are toys and they aren’t gonna make us grieve! It would give me a headache, if I got headaches. But I don’t, because I’m a bird, and I’m happy. I may be the happiest bird in the world. Mommy says I am.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great rest of the week.

Luv,

Zack

 

Hi folks, and welcome to this edition of “Chatter with Chloe!” You may think I’m all fluff and stuff, but I’m aware of what’s going on in the world. Here’s my take on some headlines and happenings in the world today:

On the Russia/Crimera issue: So this is how democracy dies – with thunderous applause. I’ve listened to mommy rant over Putin being a communist for years, and I’m inclined to agree with her. Methinks the world’s found its next tyrant. And Russia says they can obliterate us? Yea, let me tell you two things: first, everybody wants to obliterate the U.S. and second, everybody can obliterate everybody else. Yes, the world will die by fire next time – and we’ll probably set it in some pissing match over borders or votes or structures of government! Silly humans …

On the missing plane –It’s weird and I understand why it’s important to find it. But we forget that we know one thing for sure: the plane is down. There’s absolutely no way it’s still in the air somewhere. Maybe the pilots took it down on purpose. Maybe they were taken over by bad guys and landed somewhere not nice. Maybe they crashed. Maybe they flew into a parallel universe and are on another Earth saying “what the hell?!” But I don’t think the report mommy found last night about it safely landing on the moon is right. Um, no. I think we can count alien abduction or interstellar flight out. But hey, maybe I’m wrong. Keep an eye on the International Space Station. Who knows? We might find it orbiting Uranus. J

Ok, sorry. I know it’s a serious situation. It’s just that the whole “it’s on the moon!” thing is so ridiculous that I couldn’t resist. And now, moving on.

On the 2025 mission to Mars.  People are actually signing up for a death sentence, eh? Because Mars is as dead as Adam and Eve, you know. But we want to find out what’s out there, and we’re going eventually, so why not?  Well, I have a theory - why force the applicants for the first death watch mission make the horrible decision to leave behind family, home, and Earth forever? Send the criminals on the mission. I mean, death row inmates die anyway, right, and the people on this mission can never come back because they might get some heebie-geebie alien disease? So pack the criminals up and ship them off. Let that be the repayment of their debt to society. If that works, we may send the politicians next.

On Obamacare. Why isn’t anybody addressing the issue at the source: does medical care really need to cost as much as it does? Why are we justifying inflated prices by forcing insurance? Ask the manufacturers why they need to advertise pills for bipolar depression, herpes, and mating rituals. Ask if it really costs two hundred dollars to mix antihistamines and decongestants (geeze  its sinus pills, not crystal meth!). Ask doctors if it looking at ears, eyes, and throats with a scope really troubles them worth charging $125 for the 5 minutes it took to do it. Everybody else has to justify their profit margin (except the oil industry). Make the medical industry do it too. Seems to me we’re going at this all backwards. Justifying high medical costs with forced insurance is like wiping before you poop. Of course, people keep telling mommy and me that we just don’t get it on this one, so go on squawking.

On the economy. It sucks. Seems Obama’s insidious plot to destroy the middle class is right on target. I remember the guy on the news a few years back that said “I need work instead of welfare because I stay out of trouble when I work.” Yea, so do most people. We need more jobs. We need tax breaks for hard workers. We need to penalize the big $$$ corporations bilking us to line their coffers. We need raises! We need for prices to go down and salaries to go up, because having it the other way around isn’t working. This isn’t King Solomon’s empire, folks, its America.

So see, I’m not just a prissy little lady. I do pay attention to what’s going on. And that, folks, is the way I see it. Stay tuned for more “Chatter with Chloe” later.

That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week!

Luv,

Chloe

Dear Santa,

Greetings to you during this merry and festive season! It’s Chloe here with our annual Christmas letter. We hope that you’ve had an outstanding 2013 and that preparation for the “big day” is going well in your workshop.

Zack, Ollie and I have been very good this year. We’ve been very sweet and supportative to our parronts and to each other (with the exception of that one ‘keet flinging incident I had on the playgym last summer – I’m so sorry for that!). We’ve been living in harmony and behaving well. We’re so sweet!

For Christmas this year, Zack would like chew toys. Shreddable ones are especially a favorite. He loves to tear them up. Snacks are also welcome. Zack and I both enjoy Lafabers treats, peanuts, and popcorn. Jiffy Pop is a real winner with all of us. We scream at mommy while she pops it.

I’d also like chew toys. I’ve become especially fond of wood chew toys this past year. I’ve been playing more like a good girl, but I am more conservative than Zack is with the wear and tear on my toys. Plus, my toys are getting some wear and tear on them. I started chewing my perches so yea, I could use more chew toys.

Ollie has been recovering from a kidney infection and nerve inflammation in his leg these past couple of months. He told me to ask you for a new leg, but mommy explained that you aren’t into stem cell therapy (otherwise, she would have asked you for new sinuses years ago). He is healing up, but the vet said he needs to put on some weight. Honey sticks or spray millet would be good for him. I think some parakeet toys would also be good for him, as he is trying to move about a bit more and use that foot on occasion. The toys may motivate him to keep trying to work that foot and get it going again.

Daddy isn’t too hard to please. He’s doesn’t eat a lot of sweets, but he does make an exception for Hershey’s Dark Chocolate. And hint hint: he really likes Breaking Bad.

Mommy isn’t hard to please either. She could use new pajamas because I’ve chewed holes in most of hers (sorry! Her pj’s are so nom nom!). She also needs new house slippers, because she’s already wearing out the ones she bought at Easter. Mommy doesn’t believe in walking around the house barefoot because she’s terribly clumsy and stubs her toes (and other parts) a lot. And hint hint: she likes Breaking Bad too.

That’s all for us. Give Mrs. Santa, the reindeer, and the elves our love. Travel safely this year!

Luv,

Chloe

Mommy and daddy have been working hard to clean the house the past
couple of weeks! Daddy went out in the yard to clean up, rake, trim branches, digging up weeds, and do some watersealing on the back steps outside. Mommy’s been scrubbing the kitchen and bathrooms, cleaning the floors, dusting and polishing furniture, tidying up the house, and giving our cages a good clean up. The house looks (and smells) really good! They call it their “fall housecleaning,” and I like it!

I’ve heard humans say that they’re either the cooking or the cleaning type. Our parronts are definitely the cleaning type. The house is always neat as a pin. They’re good about keeping it clean and organized. Even Ollie and I are pretty clean, when it comes to birds. We try to keep our “messes” localized to one spot. Chloe, on the other hand, doesn’t mind some mess. She’ll throw some seed on the floor of her cage on purpose just to make a little mess. It drives mommy crazy, especially when Chloe gives a good shovel right after mommy finishes a cleaning and takes the trash out. It’s amusing to watch mommy whale “no, sweetheart!!” as the seed goes flying. Cage cleaning night is also comedy night in our home. 

Do your parronts like to cook or clean? Or are they better balanced (some would call it “sane”) and do they do a bit of both? Watch them to find out. It can be interesting – and quite amusing!

That’s all today. Take care and have a great rest of the week. 

Luv,

Zack

Hi everybody! Well, it started out as a joke on Twitter one night when I was bored and throwing out amusing tag  lines for stories. Guess what? The sci-fi story stuck and mommy helped me write it. She posted it on Writing.com today to see what kind of reaction this tongue-in-beak story gets.

Mommy's actually written several stories pondering what adventures we have while she and daddy are at work every day. This is the fourth story in what she calls "The Avian Adventures Series." She's considered putting them together into one volume when she has enough stories to do that. Now, pray tell, how many stories would that be? Given that these silly adventures average 3-4 pages a piece, I'd say a lot.

Well, I'm proud of us having worked together on this one and now I proudly bring you an early draft of Avian Aliens!

Luv,

Chloe

Zack gnawed at the wood log toy in his cage, determined to break through it’s core. He didn’t know what secrets lay inside the toy that mommy jokingly called “the monolith,” but he was determined to find out. And if it was just wood, finishing it off was a surefire way to get a brand new toy in here once she and daddy got home from work. 

“Zack, can you keep it down?” Chloe asked from the back of her cage, where she snuggled against her cozy corner. “I’m trying to get in a power nap before mommy and daddy get home from work.”

“I’m almost there!” Zack said, continuing his voracious chewing. “Soon, we shall behold the secrets that lie within the wooden toy.”

 Ollie emitted a series of chirps that sounded like laughter. Zack gave Ollie a warning glare. Ollie squawked and resumed his preening. 

“Have at it, big brother,” Chloe said, resting her head against her back for a midafternoon nap. 

Zack resumed his chewing and was soon surprised when a piece of wood broke off, exposing the center of the toy. He peered inside and saw what looked like a lever in the center of the toy. Curious, Zack grabbed the lever and pulled it with all of the power in his mighty conure beak. A pink light erupted in the room followed by a bang. Zack disappeared and a large, pink parrot with blue eyes appeared in the center of the room. 

“Well, I’ll be darn,” Chloe said. “So that’s what happens when you get to the center of the wooden chew toy!”

“Greetings, Earth birds!” the pink bird said, raising his foot in a standard salutation. “My name is Eeagor. I am from the planet Orthea.”

“It sounds like a pesticide,” Ollie said. 

Eeagor turned to stare at Ollie. “Ah, a budgie! And a green and yellow too! Those are the finest specimens. You’ll make a fine addition to our budgie-bot brigade.”

“The budgie-bot brigade? What’s that?” Chloe asked. 

“We assimilate our finest budgies into a cybernetic avian lifeform that serve as our defenders and protectors. The one you call ‘Ollie’ is the best specimen we’ve seen in all the worlds we’ve visited.”

“Thank you,” Ollie said, “it’s good to be best at something. I’m the littlest one here.”

“Young friend, you will soon behold power beyond your wildest dreams,” Eeagor said, lifting his foot. Their cage doors opened and Ollie flew into Eeagor’s foot. A metallic talon ejected from Eeagor’s foot and he poised to poke Ollie with it. 

“No! Leave my brother alone!” Chloe screamed. Chloe leaped from their cages in a coordinated attack. Chloe grabbed Eeagor from behind with her wickedly-sharp beak, drawing green blood from his neck. 

“Ouch! You wicked little hen!” Eeagor yelled, dropping Ollie and turning to Chloe. She stood tall, her beak open and poised for another strike. 
 
“Wow, I haven’t seen her that mad since Zack stepped on her tail!” Ollie said. “Go Chloe! Sock it to him!”

“Come on, pinky! Meet the beak! Say hello to my little friend!” Chloe screamed, her eyes pinpointing and her feathers flaring. Eeagor stared in shock as she charged him, launching across the floor in a blur and jumping headlong into Eeagor. He pounded against the back wall with the force of her hit. They rolled on the floor in a blur of yellow, orange and pink feathers until Chloe pinned Eeagor, pounding him with her beak and breaking open green oozing wounds in his pink feathers. It looked like the battle was won until he emitted a shriek and swung at Chloe with his talon. She knocked against the wall. 

“Nobody hurts my sister!” Ollie shouted. “And I’ll never be a budgie-bot!” He grabbed Eeagor’s foot with his beak and lifted him off the floor, slamming Eeagor against furniture and the floor until the metallic talon broke off. 

“No, stop! I yield!” Eeagor screamed as blood dribbled from where the talon broke out of his leg. 

Chloe ran back to Eeagor, pinning him to the floor with her foot again. “Who do you think you are, coming here and threatening to turn my baby brother into a cyborg bird?”

 “I’m trying to free you from the tyranny of those ugly, wretched bipeds!” Eeagor said, staring at the picture on the wall next to Chloe’s cage. 
 
“Those are our parents,” Chloe growled as Ollie climbed into Zack’s cage, studying the toy for the lever.

Eeagor’s blue eyes widened in shock. “But how? You’re birds. They’re human. That’s impossible!”

“We’re adopted, you idiot,” Ollie said from Zack’s cage. “And your time here is over.” He pulled the lever in Zack’s toy. The pink light erupted again with a flash. Eeagor and his talon were gone, along with the green blood and mess on the floor. Zack reappeared in his cage, looking shocked.  


“Oh, thank goodness!” Chloe said, climbing back into her cage and pulling the door closed. 

“What just happened?” Zack asked. “I was in the strangest place that had pink birds with blue eyes. They had a horde of cybernetic budgies that tied me with something that looked like mommy’s cross stitch yard and carried me through their streets. They said they were taking me to their leader. I was so scared.” 

“Are you alright?” Chloe asked. 

“I’m fine,” Zack said, breathing heavy. “Are you both okay?”

“We’re fine,” Ollie said. "One of their birds got through. He wanted to make me a budgie-bot, but Chloe and I put up a great fight.”

Zack cackled. “I’ve taught both of you well. Thanks for pulling that lever and bringing me back. Zack gave the toy a punch, sending it swinging. The bottom portion of the toy broke off, severing the switch. “Remind me not to pull any switches inside my toys anymore!”

"I don’t think we’ll have that problem anymore,” Ollie said, climbing out of Zack’s cage and returning to his own.

They were silent as the garage door lifted, signaling that mommy and daddy had returned home from work. “Hi guys! Did you have a good day?” mommy asked, pulling them from their cage. 

“Oh, it looks like Zack finished another toy,” daddy said, reaching in to take out the broken wood chew toy. “Goodness, you destroyed that thing! Are you ready for a new toy now, buddy?”

 Zack cackled and winked at Chloe and Ollie, who cackled in return. Yes, they were ready for him to have a new toy. One with more fun and fewer surprises this time!