Yep, you're right. The government is out to get you. That steak you ate for supper gravely offended them, and mommy's writing has bored them to sleep too many times. They're coming for you. Mommy and daddy say art imitates life. I say it's made by people, so it reflects people. Duh. If I did something, you'd expect it to be particularly birdish, wouldn't you?
They've also been watching Seinfield lately, and those are some people that get into some silly fixes. The problem is, regular people get in fixes too. Mommy seems to be particularly prone to this. Like the time she took the bug zapper to a moth and it blew up. Or the time she got behind the wrong police car in a funeral procession and wound out at Chick-fil-A instead of the graveside service. Or the time she called Pizza Hut and asked for the special that Dominos was running. Or just tonight, when Chloe tried to hide in her hair, but she had conditioner in it so Chloe slid out of it like a Slip-n-Slide, complete with the crash landing.
Silly humans. They amuse me so much. Who says a life of captivity is bad? I love my life. These people pamper me and treat me like royalty. And they're so silly that I'm always cackling at something!
Here's hoping you have kind humans taking care of you - with the right amount of silly added in!